it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
Randomize