I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
Randomize
