did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
Randomize
