chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
Randomize
