Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize