Only a mothe r could love this liver
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
Randomize
