I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
Randomize
