woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Randomize
