Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
