my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
Randomize
