i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
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