No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
Man, jail baloney is awful.
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
Randomize
