I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
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