ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
Randomize
