My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
