His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
Man, jail baloney is awful.
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
Randomize
