Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
Randomize
