I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
