can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
Randomize
