I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
I will pee on everything he values.
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
All the doctor said was why
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
Randomize
