He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
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