i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
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