you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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