how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
Randomize
