He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
Randomize
