my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
Can I color on your dick again?
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
They took my balls.
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Randomize
