her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
Randomize
