He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
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