you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
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