Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
Randomize
