But honestly u used to be a cool guy and lately uve been superame(734): Superlame
I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
