Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
Randomize
