I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
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