Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
Drake has all the answers
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
Randomize
