Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
Randomize
