I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
My ass is underappreciated
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