Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
These tits shall not be calmed
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
Randomize
