this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
that is very illegal...i love you.
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