It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
Randomize
