Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
he fucked my hip out of place.
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
Randomize
