i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
Randomize
