He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
Randomize
