On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
Randomize
