i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
Randomize
