She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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