My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
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