The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
Randomize
