you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
