I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
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