haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
Randomize
