Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
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