The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
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