I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
Randomize
