The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
? is bags or t-bags slang for scrotum?
jesus mom
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Randomize
