I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
Randomize
