You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
Randomize
