If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
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