I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
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