they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
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