I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
Randomize
