I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
