Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize
