I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
Randomize
