why didn't you poke me back
Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
Randomize
