dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
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