Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
Randomize
