You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
Randomize
