I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
Randomize
