Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
Randomize
