I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
Randomize
