i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
I look excited, but its just a facade.
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