my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
Randomize
