Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
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