sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
Randomize
