Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
Princesses don't give blow jobs
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
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