u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
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