awww and there was just a proposal on stage with the pussycat dolls !!!!!
Did someone propose they get off the stage?
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
Randomize
