Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
I'm determined to sit on that face.
I can feel your judgement through the phone
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
Randomize
