you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
Randomize
