Please, let me fuck your mom
morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
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