He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
Randomize
