So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
Randomize
